Kamis, 19 Maret 2015

Jogjakarta.


Satu minggu sudah nggak jadi warga Jogja. Satu minggu sudah pisah sama semuanya yang sudah jadi kebiasaan, pisah sama teman yang sudah seperti keluarga, pisah sama kamar kosan yang sudah seperti rumah, pisah sama semuanya yang sudah dilalui selama hampir 4 tahun. Tanggal sembilan kemarin, saya diantar semua teman terdekat, ke bandara Adi sucipto, untuk pulang.. kembali ke rumah sebenarnya. kembali ke Banten. dengan berat hati mengucapkan selamat tinggal untuk Jogjakarta.

3,5 tahun kemarin merupakan tahun yang luar biasa buat saya. Masih ingat rasanya menginjakan kaki untuk pertama kali di kota itu. Perasaan kaget yang baru disadari saat di taksi, jalan kaliurang. Ketika itu saya baru menyalakan HP, di Jakal depan hokben, sebuah sms masuk dari sahabat saya yang kaget saya secepat ini harus "hijrah" kuliah ke kota lain. Detik itu, 3 menit sebelum saya sampai di kos, saya baru sadar kalau saya memang benar-benar pindah, saya baru sadar bahwa kota ini akan menjadi kota yang menghadirkan kenangan untuk masa muda saya, saya baru sadar kalau saya benar-benar sudah bukan anak SMA lagi. 3 menit sebelum saya sampai di kos. Saya baru sadar akan hal tersebut. Perasaan excited dapat menjadi mahasiswa di salah 1 universitas terbaik di Negeri ini rupanya membuat saya lupa sesaat bahwa saya harus meninggalkan keluarga saya. 3 menit sebelum saya sampai di kos, barulah saya sadar, barulah saya panik, barulah saya takut.
Ck. Bahkan di waktu-waktu awal saya sampai di Jogja, kota itu selalu memberikan hal-hal yang tak terkira.

Ternyata, tidak gampang bagi seorang cewek yang manja untuk mulai hidup mandiri, jauh dari orang tua. Di minggu-minggu awal, banyak sekali kecerobohan-kecorobohan yang saya lakukan, kunci kamar kos hilang berulang kali sehingga saya harus menyimpan nomor tukang duplikat kunci di HP. HP impian saya yang baru seumur jagung ketinggalan di taksi. Berulang kali kembali ke kos karena lupa membawa tugas, dompet, dan sebagainya. Sampai terkadang saya capek sama diri saya sendiri, saya capek karna saya pelupa dan ceroboh. Tidak jarang saya menangis di kamar kos, membayangkan betapa mudahnya hidup saya ketika dirumah dulu. diantar jemput orang tua, makan enak, kalau tugas ketinggalan tinggal nelfon pembantu, ga usah kunci kamar sebelum pergi. belum lagi kalau sedang homesick atau kangen keluarga, saya suka takut kalau ada petir dan hujan deras. Nggak ada yang dipeluk. nggak bisa ke kamar rehan. Akhirnya saya cuma bisa masuk selimut, ketakutan, kadang nangis. 
Lucu kalo inget jaman Maba. 
Soal kebersihan kamar..? jangan ditanya. JOROK. SUPER JOROK. Saya inget waktu itu hari ke dua di kosan, untuk pertama kalinya dalam hidup, saya pegang gagang pel. nggak punya super pel, akhirnya saya pakai shampo. Saya juga inget dulu teman pertama saya di Jogja, Kak Mara, suka menyempatkan diri ke kosan, even saya nggak ada di kosan, dia dateng. lalu pulang-pulang kamar kosan saya rapih. Begitu ketemu dia ngomel-ngomoel "Kamu itu super jorok banget sih! Kamar kaya kandang babi!!". Ya ampun :((

Waktu-waktu adaptasi pun berjalan dengan.. melelahkan. Capek loh mengubah suatu kebiasaan, capek loh belajar ini itu dari nol, 6 bulan pertama rasanya saya kesel merasa nggak dimodalin apa-apa sama orang tua buat hidup jauh kaya gitu. Bayangkan, saya bahkan gatau caranya pake kartu debit, saya ke ATM buat pertama kalinya sama Caca. Saya juga nggak tau habis masukin kartu itu ngapain. Beruntung saya punya temen-temen yang mau bantuin ini itu.

Soal temen.. 
Ya Tuhan. Jogjakarta. Teman. Sahabat. Keluarga.
Jogjakarta itu mempertemukan saya dengan teman. yang lama kelamaan nggak pantas disebut teman melainkan sahabat. yang lama kelamaan nggak pantas disebut sahabat melainkan keluarga. 
Saya nggak punya pacar yang tinggal satu kota selama saya kuliah.
Jadi kebayang mungkin, sebesar apa saya butuh sahabat-sahabat saya. Saya ketemu mereka dari mulai inas yang nggak bisa naik sepedah, inas yang dikasih mobil tapi nggak bisa bawanya, inas yang banyak jerawatnya, inas yang dibehel, inas yang pake eyleliner belepotan, dan inas-inas lain yang nggak bisa ngapa-ngapain. Saya ketemu banyak banget sahabat.. banyaaaak banget. banyaaaaaaaaaaak banget.
sekarang tiba-tiba saya stuck mau ngetik apa.
What i want to say is.. ternyata, semakin kamu mau pisah, semakin banyak orang yang kamu sayang. Untuk pertama kalinya saya ngerasain hal yang beda tentang gimana rasanya sayang sama sahabat-sahabat. Karena untuk waktu yang tidak sebentar, dia disitu, dia jadi saksi, kalau kata orang-orang mah, dia ada buat kamu. Dia ada waktu kamu patah hati,  ada waktu kamu galau sampe malem-malem nyetir ke Jakal atas, dia meluk kamu waktu kamu jatuh, bikinin teh panas dimasa-masa sulit kamu, selama 2 tahun berturut2 dia bawa baju-baju buat nginep di rumah sakit waktu kamu kena tyfus 1 tahun sekali, atau dia yang tau makanan yang nggak bisa kamu makan. 

Mungkin itu semua yang bikin hati saya sakit ketika harus meninggalkan jogja.
H-7 saya pulang, saya galau nggak ketulungan. H-3 saya pulang, mata saya basah setiap kali bangun tidur, H-1 saya pulang, rasanya waktu itu saya pingin kembaliin tiket pesawat saya.
Di pesawat pun, beberapa kali air mata saya jatuh, bukan tentang "Ah ntar kan 2 bulan lagi ke Jogja lagi". Bukan. Tapi fakta bahwa saya udah no longer jadi warga sana. Fakta bahwa saya bukan di jakal lagi rumahnya. Iya pokonya semua itu. You guys must be know what i can't explain!!
Setiap kali saya berusaha tidur di pesawat, air mata saya ngalir lagi. Sekelebat potongan-potongan kejadian tiba-tiba kaya di rewind. 
Lo kaya nggak pernah farewell SMP- SMA aja nas? Lebay banget udahan kuliah doang?!
No.
No way.
Bukan itu.

Tapi 3,5 tahun ini, tapi Jogjakarta ini, tapi sahabat slash keluarga saya ini, bener-bener sudah membuat saya, menyaksikan saya, bersama saya from a girl, to a woman. Meninggalkan orang-orang yang sangat berharga juga tidak mungkin gampang. Saya sayang teman-teman, saya sayang Sasa, fia, jara, dinda, boyen, widya, vania, riska, efel, rara, anka, kalista, kak mara, ayas, mutia, rizka, kak fisa nisa, semuanya. saya sayang mereka. baru 1 minggu dan saya sudah sangat sangat rindu. Saya kangen nyetir di jakal, saya kangen temen-temen kos, saya kangen semua orang yang ramah di Jogja. Saya kangen kampus.

Saya nggak tahu, tapi saya senang saya nggak bisa move on dari Jogja.
Dan sampai tua pun, saya nggak pingin move on dari kenangan di Jogja.

Terimakasih sudah membuat Jogja saya indah.
Terimakasih sudah membuat saya merasakan perasaan sedih, kehilangan, rindu menjadi sebuah perasaan yang juga indah.


Saya menulis ini agar saya tidak lupa.
Saya nggak mau lupa karna Jogja terlalu berharga.

Jogjanya saya itu diri saya, perubahan saya, dan kalian semua.

Selasa, 03 Maret 2015

are you happy with this?
Or you are just playing your role and pretend that you've got it all.

are you happy with this?
or you are just enjoy with all the materials that shine and satisfied you?

you know exactly that happiness is all that matters.
i b e l i e v e.

Senin, 26 Januari 2015

January 27th 2015.
the exact date that i wrote and i sticked on the wall that on that date,
I'm going to end this, defend my thesis and got my S.Psi.
turned out this morning i lay on my bad and writing this post.

I finished my thesis on the end of December, and yet until now i haven't got any date yet when i could go and fight on my thesis defense. poor system, poor management and they still claimed my uni as one of the best national universities, in contrast. what the heck.

i got depressed this few days right after i knew that my first schedule of thesis defense is being canceled. i asked to the closest person of mine "ergh i don't know why i lose my appetite just for hanging out with friends, all i want is just sleeping and do everything alone", yet i know those are actually some vital signs of depression. hahaha. i got annoyed easily, too by the way.
the benefit you'll get as a psychology student is probably you are going to know your self more, knowing that its okay to be depressed, lol. and you gotta give your self a space. SO, its okay self.. you are normal.


everything went smooth right from the start, i did something big for my own thesis and God seems make everything went so.. easy. I finished them all in three months, which i think thats quite fast. But doesn't it seems plain and just.. weird? to successfully achieve something without sum obstacles? Boring right.

and so here i am..
I am amazed of how God put me in a condition that could make me grow better and stronger. Thank you God for not letting me to got a thing i want without any extra efforts :)
Im pretty sure that in every journey, in every achievement, there's must be something that going to test my patience, something that different from my first expectation, something that totally run out from my plan, but those are some golds that going to make this worth, memorable. 


and i always believe that You are going to put a smile on my face right in the end :)


OOOHHHHHHHHHHHH.
but i really need to finished this SOON, really :(



Senin, 05 Januari 2015



i hate this man cause he always say 'sorry' for not giving much while in fact he gave me a lot.
i hate this man cause he got a total soaked and wet that time on the picture just to protect me from the rain.
i hate this man cause he can make me laugh even when i am angry.
i hate this man cause he sumtimes just too weird that i cant handle, but too adorable at the same time.
i hate this man cause he always wanting to help me, he makes my self often think how can i survive without him.
i hate this man. he once broke my heart but then he makes me fall and fall again for him. i looked stupid indeed, but whatever.

i hate this man cause even when i said i hate him, the things that i hate about that man are just still lovely.


:)

Rabu, 08 Oktober 2014

Minggu, 28 September 2014

so this' what they said that everything's uncertain. The mistake is thinking that there can be an antidote to the uncertainty, the mistake is believe that i can manage the failure, and whatever. turned out its just a pieces of theories.

What do you do when the one person you want comfort from the most is the one who caused your pain? How can I want so desperately for him to wrap me up in his arms but also want so much for him to leave me alone.

However much you wanted someone to want you, there was nothing you could do to make it happen. Whatever you did for them, whatever you gave them, whatever you let them take, it could never be enough. Never enough to be sure. Never enough to satisfy them. Never enough to stop them walking away.

Never enough to make them love you back.


and now, i'll let my self to cry.
you deserve a time to cry.

how could you make me love you this painful.

Kamis, 18 September 2014

20 Facts about me That's currently IN! hahaha

I've been tagged by 6 of my friends on Instagram, challenged me to explain 20 facts about me. This' actually supposed to publish on Instagram but don't know why i feel a lot more comfortable to write on blog. So i do this, not because the trend tho. I just want to recall 20 lil things i know about my own self and reminiscing it. Feels good :)

yeay! lets start!


1. My name is as you see on my Blog, but without Rusli. I sumtimes feel my name's way too short. Rusli is my father.

2. People and sum several close friend that ever been on my house called me Memen. thats my nick name on Home made by my lil sister haha.

3. A very purple person though my Mom start nagging a few years ago "you are growing up, use another classy color", but instead sometimes she also bought something purply for me hahaha

4. I used to be a painter til JHS. I even gained almost two hundreds trophies from that. The last time i painted was on July 2014 after 3 years never even touch a brush. It was for Abin's birthday, so i painted  two of us holding a hand with a Big Ben background on it <:D

4. I love decorating a room. I think this' because i am growing up seeing how mom loves to decorate our house, i even often have a conversation with mom about the concept of my future house.

5. Thus my best stress reliever is by going to Ace Hardware or Informa, just too see some things there even without buy anything. that cud make me smile imagining that i will buy this and that someday when i became a rich woman and have a big big house :p

6. I almost always use a blazer as an outer. I don't like wearing shirt, way too simple. My personal style is blazer, blouse, black jeans, and clogs. Oh and don't forget to adding up a Necklace and watch.

7. A friends that know me so well are going to say "Thats so... Inas' Style" every time they see a blazer with studded, or spike. hahaha.

8. I am so not in to flat shoes. 7 cm wedgie or heels are more comfortable, for me.

8. I never fall in love on a first sight, instead, on a first conversation.

9. Who's agree with me that Smart man is the sexiest? hahaha. i just can't resist a man with brain and how they talk with a bright eye explaining something that i can't understand. just..... "marry me!!!". hahaha

10. Not everyone know this but well.. i once wished to have a Malaysian husband. I want my children grow up with a fluent english hahaha. Why Malaysia? cause the culture is quite similar with us, don't really need to adjust a lot of things. LOL

11. I never have a "same city" relationship. Oh wait, not even a same class or same University. As i realized now i think Long distance relationship is something i am good at haha.

 12. Still relate with the last point, yes, i don't like being dependent with other people. I ate alone a lot of times and thats not a big deal.

13. I almost become mahasiswi at University of Indonesia before i finally choose Gadjah Mada and still think thats the best decision i've made. *kissh UGM*

14. My current dream is to graduated cumlaude and continue the master degree on UK, but The first pure dream of mine is became a news anchor and designer. Found that out after saw the "cita-cita" column on my 2nd grade elementary school block note. I once a host on Banten TV for two programs from JHS - SHS and it ended when i need to go to Jogja. and for another dream, i still have a feeling that i cud become a designer after i graduate :p  I never thought i cud become a psychologist before, hahaha.

15. If you ask  what place i wanted to visit the most with my spouse someday.. i think I'm going to say Athens and Instanbul with the famous Cappadocia. But when its with my travel mate (mom), its going to be Italy with its Venice.

16. Totally not a Procrastinator type, don't know why. Not really a smart diligent type of girl but i just can't delay doing something that i can do that sec. and yes, i feel lucky and relieved about that a lot of times hahaha

17.   I love watching Korean Dramas, used to mocked at mom about that, but this past two years i think i've been addicted to it, too.. haahahaha :") at first i watch it while eating on my room, cause thats vexed me to eat on silent, but then it continue right after eating LOL my record is watching 20 eps on 2 days 1 night

18. Such an impulsive Shoes buyer until yesterday my boy friend complained at me a lot about that. Deal to reduce that bad habit.

19. The most memorable, precious time of mine on this whole 3 years college time is probably.. my 2 months KKN on Piling, Bali. Last night i video called Mom on Bali and she cried :( 

20.  Currently on the last stage of my college life; Thesis. I choose an Industrial and Organizational Psychology with a Qualitative methods for the research. No matter how much people say that Qualitative is going to spend more time than any other methods, i still think thats going to be fun :)) wish me luck <3




Jumat, 12 September 2014

:)





Dear abien. this is for you.
do you noticed something when you see this photo with me on that outfit? hahaha
yes. that was the day that i first met you.
the day that i first called you.
the day that i finally could hear your manly voice.

i don't know.
I'm mad at you right now. but suddenly found this on my flash disk, and what makes me smile is when i suddenly realized "geez! that was the dress that i took on our first time hanging out with my Man"
a man that once a stranger on Facebook, LOL
a very talk active man that bring me to a wedding party as his pair, for the first time. hahaha.
a man that i love.
who could be a baby and yet, a person who i respected so much in the same time.

i think i finally need to confess this;

it really is not a love at first sight,
but its a love on the first conversation.


come home soon, Abien.

Rabu, 20 Agustus 2014

What are you doing there?
What are you doing there?
Are you doing perfectly fine?
Are you alright?
Should i make you a dinner?
Should i bring your lunch?
What should i do?
Can i help you whenever you need me?



At this very second why do i want to be by your side so bad?

Jumat, 01 Agustus 2014

UPDATEE

hiiii
finally able to write some post.
been 3 weeks here during my KKN life. such a great part of my life journey :)
sharing home with 14 people here is not easy tough, but overall i thank God that i could learn a loooot of things here. there were always some thoughts popped up like "Geez! I NEED to share this on my blog" but it flewwwwed away as soon as i arrived home, phew.
i don't know where to start haha, how about telling you guys that i've been finally experienced HOW that it felt to have an Eid far from home.
14 days struggling being a lil bit minority here, fasting, no adzan at all.. no reminder for imsak. and yes finally Lebaran :)
the night before we downloaded a takbiran voice from google, its sad.. we can't even hear it. everybody like stroked by an "i want to go home NOW" fever. the Girls cried hard, i've tried to hold it but well.. it broke as soon as my boy friend called me. aaaah tadinya mau nulis banyak, tapi ibu disini tiba2 ke aku terus ngajak main. nanti deh dilanjut lagi HAHAHAHAHAH *labil*









Jumat, 11 Juli 2014

What i found after read his cute reaction:

Love is when you tried your best effort just to make that particular person feels great
Love is when you are smiling knowing that particular person love your effort

And wherever that particular person is currently breathing,
Whatever that particular person is currently doing,
If your mind keep wishing he is doin good, safe, health, and happy
- you love him.



(Wrote this on my way to Bali for social services til the next 2months)

Jogjakarta.

Satu minggu sudah nggak jadi warga Jogja. Satu minggu sudah pisah sama semuanya yang sudah jadi kebiasaan, pisah sama teman yang sudah se...