why so simple?

yesterday i have a really emotional class on my course.
i've never imagined that i could cry really hard  inside my car, on my way to kos right after i finished the class. i don't know but i think i could comfortably delivered half of my sadness time on car since mom is not here.i just think car is so private just for crying. no one gonna listen (I'm sure, cause usually i will increase the volume level of the song that time), its good if i cry on nite cause again no one will see me, but if i can't hold my tears when the day still bright i usually take my sunglasses LOL :p
Talking about crying, when i feel terribly upset i usually call my close friend and when they answer all they can hear is my crying voice.. i won't explain anything since they understand already that i just need their existence, they also know it the best that i hate, really hate a question like "omg whats wrong with you" in the middle of crying, i will be just like "WTF SHUT UP STOP ASKING AND JUST STAY THERE, DONT HANG UP" hahaha, i know i mean. 

So what happened on class?
It was just.. the most inspiring class.. ever.
My teacher is a 40-ish American, a very tall man with a glasses, a pointed nose and those smiling sharp lips (yes there's a curve of lips that designed for smiling, no matter what his expression is he seems like always smiling).
Different from usual, he ask us not to take out the book from our bag. he just ask us a piece of paper. and then he opened a youtube and we see some traveling videos. first we surf for San Fransisco, Los Angeles, and then Ice Land. Then we browse 20 place we should visit before we die, 20 things we need to do before we are 30 and every lil un-important exciting things. Then he ask us to hear one Sigur Ros song, its  Hoppípolla. And.. it really made my class on a real silent. there are 4 of us.. and we were just speechless.
its my first time listening to Sigur ros. And i think it really is emotional.
4 of us, spontaneously start to write something.. and so did Mr. Andrew.

I wrote about the joyful.. the sadness.. a joyful sadness..
the orthodox feeling.
the feeling when you totally let go..
so pure.. so innocent. a total letting someone go.
a joyful sadness. so pure.

I wrote about falling in love..
that cycle. that first step when you dare to make a move.
when your heart stop a time when he take his glasses.
when your heart beating pretty much faster seeing him put on his headset.

I wrote about seeing my children's growing up someday..
Look how he's jumping from one chair to another chair.
seeing him like a power ranger, laughing towards him when he thinks he is Naruto.
but at some point you know he'll totally lost his innocence (well apart from sex please)
its a time when he started to feel how it is to be betrayed but another human being.
And calmly you are shouting to him inside your heart "son you need to take care of your own self"

I think about many things..

Then he asked us to read what we wrote,
me of course i didn't read it all. just something necessary haha.
Everyone's writing was just so inspiring..
that makes my heart jumping, that makes me feel more alive,
that makes me feel like a human.
that such different mind blowing while we heard the exact same song does exist.

And so, Mr. Andrew talked a lot about live.
He asked us what we wanted to be in the 5 years. I said i wanted to be a good woman. 
I wanted to be an independent, strong, open minded woman.
Surprisingly from the other thousand words that my friends mentioned, he loves mine.
he almost screaming with an excitement
"THATS THE POINT! THATS THE MOST IMPORTANT!
i don't fucking care about WHAT YOU GUYS DOING IN THE FIVE YEARS,
I WANT YOU GUYS TO BE INDEPENDENT, STRONG, AND OPEN MINDED. And thats all!"
He then continue talking about live..
about love.. about suffering, about competition and in the end he said to us with a bright eye;
"I do.. love you, guys. I do really love you"
and everybody was like.. speechless.
Its my first time a teacher admitting his love towards the student.
Then i answer "I love you too Sir, this is the most amazing class i ever take"
And everybody's doing so. answer the same thing.

yesterday i found out that there's one other person again who loved me.
and it just feel good.

oh well, happiness..
why so simple?

and that was on car that i was crying,
i cried because sometimes i just insist to make all of this complicated.