some points i got recently during election days

1. people need to realize that we need to open up and board our mind wider that we have such right to choose. i see people in my country did not used to have a different arguments, we used to be conform one towards each other and so see this' what happened nowadays.. It really seems to me that election season is just a Petri dish of anger and cynicism. I thank God I'm not a person who is comfort having a conformity even with my friends. we need to realize that its okay to have a different mind set, different way of thinking and so on.

2. There's a moment to talk and a moment to remain silent. this whole weeks i realized that in some situation we need to just listen and there IS some sentence that better left unsaid. Not every words we think - need to be spoken for the sake of maintaining relationship. I my self agree that we don't need to bring an election topic in to family time. For some reason i choose to act neutral in front of the closest person because well i don't know who they gonna choose (cause i choose not to ask that, i appreciate em for their privacy due to sensitive topic nowadays haha), so i never understand such people who talk cynically and offensive about one candidate while in the other side they sure don't know who-choose-who, that leads me to one thing.. there are still few people that don't care about each other perspective and thats the worst.. and so.. thats a truuuuly good reminder for my own self to do not act so. try to listen, understand, FILTER, and accept different perspective, i think thats the other way to develop one self.

3. I became nearly agree that people don't need to have a thing called self esteem (in indonesian is harga diri) IF it just makes you have an "urge" to do something bad. why is every time people said Harga diri always sounds a bit.. awful. as if that they need to do some revenge, or they need to do something beast to protect they self? if so, do we really need harga diri or its just a reason to do something bad that could become acceptable?

4. I think what i tought in elementary school about the concept of right and obligation is a bit absurd. Right? Hak? what is it actually. what i remember up until now, Hak is something that we should get - sesuatu yang harus kita dapatkan. Its a bit strange that we need to seek what we should get. if all people always think about right, what would our world would be? hahahaha.. BUT well, if all people always think about obligation, about responsibility? don't you think world would be a place that have so much peace inside? :)

5. Accepting one's opinion is going to make us up to another level of awesomeness, i guess. LOL. I believe acceptance have a few of good constructs that could show us for how "mature" one self is. Accept other opinion - there's a tolerance, wise, open minded, realizing that our own self still lack, patience, ability to listen, appreciate the differences. woww.. well baked! :p

I'm sorry for a random mind tonite. off to schleep. if tomorrow i realize this' just too random, going to delete it hahaha
anyway whatever is it suppose that this' 8th of July already.. one more day, huh? One more day til we could decide our own leader for the next 5 years. but whoever won, i hope he's ready.. y' know right i think winning the election is a good-news, bad news kind of thing. Okay, now you're the mayor. the bad news is, now you're the mayor. hahahaha

hi!

Yeay finally today is my first time fasting for this Ramadhan. Ramadhan Mubarak, everyone! i wish you have a nice, heart warming holy month that could make you better and closer with Him, indeed. Alhamdulillah thank God i once again have a chance to spent the first 10 days of Ramadhan with my family, at home. its unexpected since i guess i won't have a chance to come home before my KKN start but it turned out i still have a 10 days break so here i am, writing leisury at my room with Dhiva beside me, playing iPad. haha. such a simple yet lovely atmosphere which i always been missed every time i am far away from home. ooh how i love being here.. the literal meaning of "home sweet home".

Anyway, today is apparently the 4th of July, haha, whats popped on mind the first thing i mentioned that date? alright, US, Independence day, Katty perry (?), Barbecue, Fireworks, Political speech and stuffs? haha.. whatevs but today is Chindy's sweet seventeen birthday. y' know i loooooove seeing a person having a birthday. i loooove surprises! i love making a surprise, i love gifts, balloon, smile, hugs, and those kind of things. i love love. i love lovely atmosphere. i love being surrounded with a people who shows their affection. :) and being involved on "chindy's surprise project" makes me reminiscing those warm old times, a time when i had mine too. i do have those sweet seventeen unforgettable surprise, i do know how's exactly the feeling when you are just TOO surprised, too speechless, you just want to hug them all. i do know how's exactly the feeling when your tears suddenly came down while at the same time you just wanna smile, like all the time. 

people called it happiness. and I'm so glad i have one.

the most important thing after having those "reminiscing the old times" ws i told mom that Im glad i experienced that too in my teenager life. i said towards mom "You know i know exactly how's it. I cried too on my sweet seventeen birthday surprise. Feel so blessed, feel so NORMAL being a teenager. I have those time!"i said it with a huge smile. after that a long the journey from Cindy's home to mine (for about 30minutes), something came to mind: (early cautions : do NOT too early to say "geez of course!" or "everybody freakinly knows that, dumbass" right after you read this bold italic sentence..)

You know, I think, its really.. really important to live your life at the very moment.

with a targets and dozens of dreams you want in life.. i suppose, its not easy to live your life, to seize the moment on that VERY second. to forget what gonna happen next, what you gonna do tomorrow and so on, but JUST.. just do what you do now to the fullest, be 100% of what you are currently doing.  to feel the happiness, to feel every second that pass, to yes of course growing up but enjoy every moment of that.. not too hurry.. not too slow.. 

i think at some point, human often forget about that ; to be Here and Now.

IM SO GLAD that i had a lot of fun and joy up until i reached twenty. Despite that i also always have one big thing that i want to achieve. but its good, tho that i never forget how to living my youth life at the moment. hahaha..

Its sounds weird but well, I never regret i came school late and got a punishment, LOL

i never regret i had a time when i need to climb my school wall, i never regret i had a cat fight with my girl mates, i never regret i've been stabbed with my clique and i cried a long the day, i never regret those awkward moment when me and two of my friends expelled from class LOL.. in the other words...

Its so fine i've been matured by some faults. 

and yes, Im proudly said I'm glad i ever made a lot of mistakes.

and well dudes once again i HAD those time!

and i feeeeeel sooooo great to be matured by my OWN experiences. by my own sweetest mistakes. Im so glad that i had those growing up process.. to live happily if i feel happy, but never ignore the sadness if i felt so. to live simply just like that as if i don't know what tomorrow's gonna bring, to just simply ignore reading "key to be matured", "age and maturity", "how to grow up on a smooth way" and Blah! just to simply ignore reading those.. but i describe age, maturity, growing up, in my own way.. in my own dictionary.
and for anyone who read this that thinks you were there with me; thank you so much for being there and be a part of my growing up process.. i don't care how nice or even how mean you were with me that time, i am still going to say thank-you-so-much. for making my life up til now tasty and colorful. you mean a lot. :)

i believe that growing up is like walking on a stairs. you need to take every step carefully, one by one, just stable. 

and i want to continue enjoying every step i take, on every stage i have on my life span development. even there's gonna be some point i'll be slipped and hurt but i gotta wake up and try stepping again;  i don't want to consciously missed nor skip even a single step of it.

that's growing up for me. find your own definition.

you know.. Most people age. They find parking spaces, honor their credit cards, get married, have children and call that maturity. What that is for me, is aging. I my self don't want to be aging without being mature with a process.

That's going to be chalenge-less. and that-is-terrible.

A dream you dream alone is only a dream

“But we are strong, each in our purpose, and we are all more strong together.” 

“I don't know where to go. I don't know what comes now."

"Don't worry," Will said. "We'll figure something out."Liesl managed to smile at him. She liked that word: *we*. It sounded warm and open, like a hug.” ― Lauren Oliver, on a novel Liesl & Po

i don't care about those "indicator",

i think i am letting my self falling for you from today's on.

well.. let's start this whole adventure, babe..

Dad - Ask him when Mom says no.

i remember holding your hands, few days ago.
we were on our way to somewhere,
and for some hours, i hold you and you didnt let my hand go even for a blink.

i remember your hug,
a couple years a go, a routine hug, every morning i opened my eyes
you hug me as you ask me to wake up

and how you always said you love me.
and how you always said "we" are your real love.

as i always keep in mind that you are too.
my real love.
a real hero.
my first ever first love.


dear ayah.
thankyou. thank you so much.
for raising me this way.
you are one of the biggest gift God send towards my life.
thankyou for show me what the real love is..

I only get one dad and yes.. im glad i got someone as amazing as you

Happy birthday, Ayah sayang.

Inas sayang Ayah..

Ayah harus sehat- sehat terus ya..

i love you. i always have, always will <3

hahaha

good morning!

im having the last presentation on the last meeting on psychology of marriage and family, today. 

had a photo booth selfie timey while waiting for sasha, hahahhahaa.

have a nice day and wish me luck, everyone! :---)

the sweet escape

imagine in one fine day, nothing to do, escaping somewhere strange new far place, good weather yet bad road, but laugh and cheesy conversation cured it all.

finally you were there. eyes widely opened can not believe what you see that very moment. then someone said "God this is worth the ride".

You laid down your self, the smell of grass, a  blue wide sky, a dozen of birds flying free, and the scent of ocean. oh then again, those 3 good people.

iam so blessed.

go out, see how beautiful every lil things that surround you.

one super boring morning

i am sitting on the class, currently. this' so torturing how you need to repeat one exact same method every single meeting in this whole semester. presentation? what presentation? i need more knowledges from you, prof. my friends mumbling a lot talking craps like they know friggin everything, me too, just so you know i am just acting like a smarty pants when they throw me a questions right after i presented the materials when i actually know nothing. haha. congratulation.

ooh how i really want this semester just over soon.. :( :( :(

its until we meet again!

so.. i spent my whole evening til night with my teacher and two of my friends. we watched hunger games, ate 2 boxes of pizza, share some thoughts about life, people and how those things always rapidly change ; apparently a kind of farewell party. 

for being one of my close friend this whole 3 months, thankyou so much Sir.. i always love having conversation with you :'') see you after i completed my KKN hahahhaa.

he after saw the picture: "ok we looked like a husband and wife" hahahahahhaa. I'm going to miss him, for sure.

I had the best days with you.

my relationship with mom is just different from everybody's else has. hehe. mom got married at my age (20), such a really young age to start sailing a new life with husband. and yet.. that make me become one of the luckiest daughter in the world to have such mom as a best friend on my teenager life. if you see how close am i with her now, one thing that you should know: it doesn't come in an instant (indeed!), a good relationship on mom-daughter even need an effort, definitely. you can't just born and raised (oh my God why suddenly become such a Mayer-blood LOL) and could comfortably spending a mommy-daughter relationship automatically. for me my self and mom, we also have that process.

my puberty phase when i started to feel like mrs-know-everything was started at the age of.. well, i think 13th? On the 1st year of junior high school, just like every girls on my age, i started to know how its like when i like something. I didnt close with mom that time so she started to feel worried. I remember that she even routinely called my best friend and asked her about my life in school, mom told my friend that i didnt share a lot of stories. when my best friend called me about that, that made me angry.. "Why you need to call her? Why you made me ashamed? Why i should told you everything when I don't even want to?". Knowing that made me didnt want to share my story with Mom, more. In addition one day i found mom trying to opened my phone by tried my phone password several times that made my phone blocked (it was so funny if i remembered it now! HAHHAHA), yet that time, that made me really upset. I said towards mom "Why you need to do this? This is my privacy" (I can't believe i said PRIVACY THAT time! PRIVACY??? hahaha) that time mom replied "What Privacy? You don't need that in front of me!"

and so we fought for 2 days. I didnt want to talked with her.

But then everything's started to change when.. I found one book on my mom's car. I found one psychological book, i forgot the title, but its about "How to be close with your daughter", and that made me... teary. All of sudden my wall that i built fell apart. That time i wanted to cry saw how my mom really.. like REALLY wanted to be close with me. but no, it didnt that quick guys.. my heart started to feel like i need her, i love her, and else BUT i didnt know how to express that? do you ever experienced the same? you felt like you love your parents but you are too shy to said that towards them?` I did feel so on that time.

Until one day, I met one cheerful girl that made my relationship with mom became better and better. Lets call her S. She is my junior on junior high school. right from the start we found a lot of things in common and so, she often spent a night on my house. she had a good relationship with her mom already and that made me envy the most. So there was one day, my mom suddenly invited S and her mom to hang out with me and mom to Jakarta. double date my Mom said. Up until now, i still remember clearly.. how that day: saved my life, changed my life, made my life better and brighter :)

Mom and I saw how close S and her mom and probably that time both of me and mom thoughts "Aaah! So thats how it works". From that day mom became S' mom best friend, and me and S also.. have the best sister relationship anyone can't have, up until this day. From that day on, step by step, and finally that whole process lead me to have my own REAAAALLY close relationship with mom on my JHS life. i have no privacy. mom even often reply a-boy-that-approached-me texts, hahaha. Even we fought a lot of times, we argue on a lot of things, but well thats why it said teenager life. i didnt really stable. sometimes i hate mom so much, sometimes i feel like i can't live without her, sometimes we didnt even wanted to talk. but thats my growing up process and yes it was all normal.

But well, today as i write this, i think i write this not as a girl anymore, but more like a woman. a woman that raised by a pretty, wise, cool Mom that no one can't have. Today as i write this far away from home, far away from Mom, i realize that a lucky daughter like me is just a few.. 

Dear Mom, how could i express this?

Thank you so much for raising me. Thank you so much for become my best friend and mother on the same time. Thank you so much for fought alone that time for us to being this close. Thank you for not gave up when i was really hard to approach. Thank you for always found a way to make me happy. Thank you for all your sacrifices for me. Thankyou for all the good memories you gave on my childhood life, on my every single ups and downs critical teenager life, and up until now. Thank you mom.. Thank you so much once again for not...... giving up.

Im sorry that you need to hear I love you words often on the midnight every time i got a night mare.

Im sorry that i told you I love you.. too often.

But i think I'm going to said it more and more often from today's on :)

i didnt know if you knew, so I'm taking this chance to say that I had the best days with you.

happy mothers day, Ibu.

i woke up too early so i post this hahahhaa

woohoo, who doesnt want oglio olio, sandwich, and french fries for breakfeast?

brace your selffff, today event is goin to be heccccticcccc :"""

it ain't that pure.

because i hate one side coin story and thats why i said your perception about love is somehow wrong, babe. love is not that innocent, i said. what other people bubbling around about love who could make someone become a greater person is true, but how about despair? despair also could make someone made up his mind and choose even bigger risky path on their life. perhaps love can transform someone, but despair did the job more quickly. after all love is not everything since there's always another side of the coin, huh? after all again i think i come back to my root to believe everything should be balance. I'm not 100% skeptical towards love (come on since it really such a pretty joyful feeling), but still.. in the real life.. it ain't that pure, too.