Kamis, 19 Maret 2015

Jogjakarta.


Satu minggu sudah nggak jadi warga Jogja. Satu minggu sudah pisah sama semuanya yang sudah jadi kebiasaan, pisah sama teman yang sudah seperti keluarga, pisah sama kamar kosan yang sudah seperti rumah, pisah sama semuanya yang sudah dilalui selama hampir 4 tahun. Tanggal sembilan kemarin, saya diantar semua teman terdekat, ke bandara Adi sucipto, untuk pulang.. kembali ke rumah sebenarnya. kembali ke Banten. dengan berat hati mengucapkan selamat tinggal untuk Jogjakarta.

3,5 tahun kemarin merupakan tahun yang luar biasa buat saya. Masih ingat rasanya menginjakan kaki untuk pertama kali di kota itu. Perasaan kaget yang baru disadari saat di taksi, jalan kaliurang. Ketika itu saya baru menyalakan HP, di Jakal depan hokben, sebuah sms masuk dari sahabat saya yang kaget saya secepat ini harus "hijrah" kuliah ke kota lain. Detik itu, 3 menit sebelum saya sampai di kos, saya baru sadar kalau saya memang benar-benar pindah, saya baru sadar bahwa kota ini akan menjadi kota yang menghadirkan kenangan untuk masa muda saya, saya baru sadar kalau saya benar-benar sudah bukan anak SMA lagi. 3 menit sebelum saya sampai di kos. Saya baru sadar akan hal tersebut. Perasaan excited dapat menjadi mahasiswa di salah 1 universitas terbaik di Negeri ini rupanya membuat saya lupa sesaat bahwa saya harus meninggalkan keluarga saya. 3 menit sebelum saya sampai di kos, barulah saya sadar, barulah saya panik, barulah saya takut.
Ck. Bahkan di waktu-waktu awal saya sampai di Jogja, kota itu selalu memberikan hal-hal yang tak terkira.

Ternyata, tidak gampang bagi seorang cewek yang manja untuk mulai hidup mandiri, jauh dari orang tua. Di minggu-minggu awal, banyak sekali kecerobohan-kecorobohan yang saya lakukan, kunci kamar kos hilang berulang kali sehingga saya harus menyimpan nomor tukang duplikat kunci di HP. HP impian saya yang baru seumur jagung ketinggalan di taksi. Berulang kali kembali ke kos karena lupa membawa tugas, dompet, dan sebagainya. Sampai terkadang saya capek sama diri saya sendiri, saya capek karna saya pelupa dan ceroboh. Tidak jarang saya menangis di kamar kos, membayangkan betapa mudahnya hidup saya ketika dirumah dulu. diantar jemput orang tua, makan enak, kalau tugas ketinggalan tinggal nelfon pembantu, ga usah kunci kamar sebelum pergi. belum lagi kalau sedang homesick atau kangen keluarga, saya suka takut kalau ada petir dan hujan deras. Nggak ada yang dipeluk. nggak bisa ke kamar rehan. Akhirnya saya cuma bisa masuk selimut, ketakutan, kadang nangis. 
Lucu kalo inget jaman Maba. 
Soal kebersihan kamar..? jangan ditanya. JOROK. SUPER JOROK. Saya inget waktu itu hari ke dua di kosan, untuk pertama kalinya dalam hidup, saya pegang gagang pel. nggak punya super pel, akhirnya saya pakai shampo. Saya juga inget dulu teman pertama saya di Jogja, Kak Mara, suka menyempatkan diri ke kosan, even saya nggak ada di kosan, dia dateng. lalu pulang-pulang kamar kosan saya rapih. Begitu ketemu dia ngomel-ngomoel "Kamu itu super jorok banget sih! Kamar kaya kandang babi!!". Ya ampun :((

Waktu-waktu adaptasi pun berjalan dengan.. melelahkan. Capek loh mengubah suatu kebiasaan, capek loh belajar ini itu dari nol, 6 bulan pertama rasanya saya kesel merasa nggak dimodalin apa-apa sama orang tua buat hidup jauh kaya gitu. Bayangkan, saya bahkan gatau caranya pake kartu debit, saya ke ATM buat pertama kalinya sama Caca. Saya juga nggak tau habis masukin kartu itu ngapain. Beruntung saya punya temen-temen yang mau bantuin ini itu.

Soal temen.. 
Ya Tuhan. Jogjakarta. Teman. Sahabat. Keluarga.
Jogjakarta itu mempertemukan saya dengan teman. yang lama kelamaan nggak pantas disebut teman melainkan sahabat. yang lama kelamaan nggak pantas disebut sahabat melainkan keluarga. 
Saya nggak punya pacar yang tinggal satu kota selama saya kuliah.
Jadi kebayang mungkin, sebesar apa saya butuh sahabat-sahabat saya. Saya ketemu mereka dari mulai inas yang nggak bisa naik sepedah, inas yang dikasih mobil tapi nggak bisa bawanya, inas yang banyak jerawatnya, inas yang dibehel, inas yang pake eyleliner belepotan, dan inas-inas lain yang nggak bisa ngapa-ngapain. Saya ketemu banyak banget sahabat.. banyaaaak banget. banyaaaaaaaaaaak banget.
sekarang tiba-tiba saya stuck mau ngetik apa.
What i want to say is.. ternyata, semakin kamu mau pisah, semakin banyak orang yang kamu sayang. Untuk pertama kalinya saya ngerasain hal yang beda tentang gimana rasanya sayang sama sahabat-sahabat. Karena untuk waktu yang tidak sebentar, dia disitu, dia jadi saksi, kalau kata orang-orang mah, dia ada buat kamu. Dia ada waktu kamu patah hati,  ada waktu kamu galau sampe malem-malem nyetir ke Jakal atas, dia meluk kamu waktu kamu jatuh, bikinin teh panas dimasa-masa sulit kamu, selama 2 tahun berturut2 dia bawa baju-baju buat nginep di rumah sakit waktu kamu kena tyfus 1 tahun sekali, atau dia yang tau makanan yang nggak bisa kamu makan. 

Mungkin itu semua yang bikin hati saya sakit ketika harus meninggalkan jogja.
H-7 saya pulang, saya galau nggak ketulungan. H-3 saya pulang, mata saya basah setiap kali bangun tidur, H-1 saya pulang, rasanya waktu itu saya pingin kembaliin tiket pesawat saya.
Di pesawat pun, beberapa kali air mata saya jatuh, bukan tentang "Ah ntar kan 2 bulan lagi ke Jogja lagi". Bukan. Tapi fakta bahwa saya udah no longer jadi warga sana. Fakta bahwa saya bukan di jakal lagi rumahnya. Iya pokonya semua itu. You guys must be know what i can't explain!!
Setiap kali saya berusaha tidur di pesawat, air mata saya ngalir lagi. Sekelebat potongan-potongan kejadian tiba-tiba kaya di rewind. 
Lo kaya nggak pernah farewell SMP- SMA aja nas? Lebay banget udahan kuliah doang?!
No.
No way.
Bukan itu.

Tapi 3,5 tahun ini, tapi Jogjakarta ini, tapi sahabat slash keluarga saya ini, bener-bener sudah membuat saya, menyaksikan saya, bersama saya from a girl, to a woman. Meninggalkan orang-orang yang sangat berharga juga tidak mungkin gampang. Saya sayang teman-teman, saya sayang Sasa, fia, jara, dinda, boyen, widya, vania, riska, efel, rara, anka, kalista, kak mara, ayas, mutia, rizka, kak fisa nisa, semuanya. saya sayang mereka. baru 1 minggu dan saya sudah sangat sangat rindu. Saya kangen nyetir di jakal, saya kangen temen-temen kos, saya kangen semua orang yang ramah di Jogja. Saya kangen kampus.

Saya nggak tahu, tapi saya senang saya nggak bisa move on dari Jogja.
Dan sampai tua pun, saya nggak pingin move on dari kenangan di Jogja.

Terimakasih sudah membuat Jogja saya indah.
Terimakasih sudah membuat saya merasakan perasaan sedih, kehilangan, rindu menjadi sebuah perasaan yang juga indah.


Saya menulis ini agar saya tidak lupa.
Saya nggak mau lupa karna Jogja terlalu berharga.

Jogjanya saya itu diri saya, perubahan saya, dan kalian semua.

Selasa, 03 Maret 2015

are you happy with this?
Or you are just playing your role and pretend that you've got it all.

are you happy with this?
or you are just enjoy with all the materials that shine and satisfied you?

you know exactly that happiness is all that matters.
i b e l i e v e.

Senin, 26 Januari 2015

January 27th 2015.
the exact date that i wrote and i sticked on the wall that on that date,
I'm going to end this, defend my thesis and got my S.Psi.
turned out this morning i lay on my bad and writing this post.

I finished my thesis on the end of December, and yet until now i haven't got any date yet when i could go and fight on my thesis defense. poor system, poor management and they still claimed my uni as one of the best national universities, in contrast. what the heck.

i got depressed this few days right after i knew that my first schedule of thesis defense is being canceled. i asked to the closest person of mine "ergh i don't know why i lose my appetite just for hanging out with friends, all i want is just sleeping and do everything alone", yet i know those are actually some vital signs of depression. hahaha. i got annoyed easily, too by the way.
the benefit you'll get as a psychology student is probably you are going to know your self more, knowing that its okay to be depressed, lol. and you gotta give your self a space. SO, its okay self.. you are normal.


everything went smooth right from the start, i did something big for my own thesis and God seems make everything went so.. easy. I finished them all in three months, which i think thats quite fast. But doesn't it seems plain and just.. weird? to successfully achieve something without sum obstacles? Boring right.

and so here i am..
I am amazed of how God put me in a condition that could make me grow better and stronger. Thank you God for not letting me to got a thing i want without any extra efforts :)
Im pretty sure that in every journey, in every achievement, there's must be something that going to test my patience, something that different from my first expectation, something that totally run out from my plan, but those are some golds that going to make this worth, memorable. 


and i always believe that You are going to put a smile on my face right in the end :)


OOOHHHHHHHHHHHH.
but i really need to finished this SOON, really :(



Senin, 05 Januari 2015



i hate this man cause he always say 'sorry' for not giving much while in fact he gave me a lot.
i hate this man cause he got a total soaked and wet that time on the picture just to protect me from the rain.
i hate this man cause he can make me laugh even when i am angry.
i hate this man cause he sumtimes just too weird that i cant handle, but too adorable at the same time.
i hate this man cause he always wanting to help me, he makes my self often think how can i survive without him.
i hate this man. he once broke my heart but then he makes me fall and fall again for him. i looked stupid indeed, but whatever.

i hate this man cause even when i said i hate him, the things that i hate about that man are just still lovely.


:)

Rabu, 08 Oktober 2014

Minggu, 28 September 2014

so this' what they said that everything's uncertain. The mistake is thinking that there can be an antidote to the uncertainty, the mistake is believe that i can manage the failure, and whatever. turned out its just a pieces of theories.

What do you do when the one person you want comfort from the most is the one who caused your pain? How can I want so desperately for him to wrap me up in his arms but also want so much for him to leave me alone.

However much you wanted someone to want you, there was nothing you could do to make it happen. Whatever you did for them, whatever you gave them, whatever you let them take, it could never be enough. Never enough to be sure. Never enough to satisfy them. Never enough to stop them walking away.

Never enough to make them love you back.


and now, i'll let my self to cry.
you deserve a time to cry.

how could you make me love you this painful.

Kamis, 18 September 2014

20 Facts about me That's currently IN! hahaha

I've been tagged by 6 of my friends on Instagram, challenged me to explain 20 facts about me. This' actually supposed to publish on Instagram but don't know why i feel a lot more comfortable to write on blog. So i do this, not because the trend tho. I just want to recall 20 lil things i know about my own self and reminiscing it. Feels good :)

yeay! lets start!


1. My name is as you see on my Blog, but without Rusli. I sumtimes feel my name's way too short. Rusli is my father.

2. People and sum several close friend that ever been on my house called me Memen. thats my nick name on Home made by my lil sister haha.

3. A very purple person though my Mom start nagging a few years ago "you are growing up, use another classy color", but instead sometimes she also bought something purply for me hahaha

4. I used to be a painter til JHS. I even gained almost two hundreds trophies from that. The last time i painted was on July 2014 after 3 years never even touch a brush. It was for Abin's birthday, so i painted  two of us holding a hand with a Big Ben background on it <:D

4. I love decorating a room. I think this' because i am growing up seeing how mom loves to decorate our house, i even often have a conversation with mom about the concept of my future house.

5. Thus my best stress reliever is by going to Ace Hardware or Informa, just too see some things there even without buy anything. that cud make me smile imagining that i will buy this and that someday when i became a rich woman and have a big big house :p

6. I almost always use a blazer as an outer. I don't like wearing shirt, way too simple. My personal style is blazer, blouse, black jeans, and clogs. Oh and don't forget to adding up a Necklace and watch.

7. A friends that know me so well are going to say "Thats so... Inas' Style" every time they see a blazer with studded, or spike. hahaha.

8. I am so not in to flat shoes. 7 cm wedgie or heels are more comfortable, for me.

8. I never fall in love on a first sight, instead, on a first conversation.

9. Who's agree with me that Smart man is the sexiest? hahaha. i just can't resist a man with brain and how they talk with a bright eye explaining something that i can't understand. just..... "marry me!!!". hahaha

10. Not everyone know this but well.. i once wished to have a Malaysian husband. I want my children grow up with a fluent english hahaha. Why Malaysia? cause the culture is quite similar with us, don't really need to adjust a lot of things. LOL

11. I never have a "same city" relationship. Oh wait, not even a same class or same University. As i realized now i think Long distance relationship is something i am good at haha.

 12. Still relate with the last point, yes, i don't like being dependent with other people. I ate alone a lot of times and thats not a big deal.

13. I almost become mahasiswi at University of Indonesia before i finally choose Gadjah Mada and still think thats the best decision i've made. *kissh UGM*

14. My current dream is to graduated cumlaude and continue the master degree on UK, but The first pure dream of mine is became a news anchor and designer. Found that out after saw the "cita-cita" column on my 2nd grade elementary school block note. I once a host on Banten TV for two programs from JHS - SHS and it ended when i need to go to Jogja. and for another dream, i still have a feeling that i cud become a designer after i graduate :p  I never thought i cud become a psychologist before, hahaha.

15. If you ask  what place i wanted to visit the most with my spouse someday.. i think I'm going to say Athens and Instanbul with the famous Cappadocia. But when its with my travel mate (mom), its going to be Italy with its Venice.

16. Totally not a Procrastinator type, don't know why. Not really a smart diligent type of girl but i just can't delay doing something that i can do that sec. and yes, i feel lucky and relieved about that a lot of times hahaha

17.   I love watching Korean Dramas, used to mocked at mom about that, but this past two years i think i've been addicted to it, too.. haahahaha :") at first i watch it while eating on my room, cause thats vexed me to eat on silent, but then it continue right after eating LOL my record is watching 20 eps on 2 days 1 night

18. Such an impulsive Shoes buyer until yesterday my boy friend complained at me a lot about that. Deal to reduce that bad habit.

19. The most memorable, precious time of mine on this whole 3 years college time is probably.. my 2 months KKN on Piling, Bali. Last night i video called Mom on Bali and she cried :( 

20.  Currently on the last stage of my college life; Thesis. I choose an Industrial and Organizational Psychology with a Qualitative methods for the research. No matter how much people say that Qualitative is going to spend more time than any other methods, i still think thats going to be fun :)) wish me luck <3




Jumat, 12 September 2014

:)





Dear abien. this is for you.
do you noticed something when you see this photo with me on that outfit? hahaha
yes. that was the day that i first met you.
the day that i first called you.
the day that i finally could hear your manly voice.

i don't know.
I'm mad at you right now. but suddenly found this on my flash disk, and what makes me smile is when i suddenly realized "geez! that was the dress that i took on our first time hanging out with my Man"
a man that once a stranger on Facebook, LOL
a very talk active man that bring me to a wedding party as his pair, for the first time. hahaha.
a man that i love.
who could be a baby and yet, a person who i respected so much in the same time.

i think i finally need to confess this;

it really is not a love at first sight,
but its a love on the first conversation.


come home soon, Abien.

Rabu, 20 Agustus 2014

What are you doing there?
What are you doing there?
Are you doing perfectly fine?
Are you alright?
Should i make you a dinner?
Should i bring your lunch?
What should i do?
Can i help you whenever you need me?



At this very second why do i want to be by your side so bad?

Jumat, 01 Agustus 2014

UPDATEE

hiiii
finally able to write some post.
been 3 weeks here during my KKN life. such a great part of my life journey :)
sharing home with 14 people here is not easy tough, but overall i thank God that i could learn a loooot of things here. there were always some thoughts popped up like "Geez! I NEED to share this on my blog" but it flewwwwed away as soon as i arrived home, phew.
i don't know where to start haha, how about telling you guys that i've been finally experienced HOW that it felt to have an Eid far from home.
14 days struggling being a lil bit minority here, fasting, no adzan at all.. no reminder for imsak. and yes finally Lebaran :)
the night before we downloaded a takbiran voice from google, its sad.. we can't even hear it. everybody like stroked by an "i want to go home NOW" fever. the Girls cried hard, i've tried to hold it but well.. it broke as soon as my boy friend called me. aaaah tadinya mau nulis banyak, tapi ibu disini tiba2 ke aku terus ngajak main. nanti deh dilanjut lagi HAHAHAHAHAH *labil*









Jumat, 11 Juli 2014

What i found after read his cute reaction:

Love is when you tried your best effort just to make that particular person feels great
Love is when you are smiling knowing that particular person love your effort

And wherever that particular person is currently breathing,
Whatever that particular person is currently doing,
If your mind keep wishing he is doin good, safe, health, and happy
- you love him.



(Wrote this on my way to Bali for social services til the next 2months)

Senin, 07 Juli 2014

some points i got recently during election days

1. people need to realize that we need to open up and board our mind wider that we have such right to choose. i see people in my country did not used to have a different arguments, we used to be conform one towards each other and so see this' what happened nowadays.. It really seems to me that election season is just a Petri dish of anger and cynicism. I thank God I'm not a person who is comfort having a conformity even with my friends. we need to realize that its okay to have a different mind set, different way of thinking and so on.

2. There's a moment to talk and a moment to remain silent. this whole weeks i realized that in some situation we need to just listen and there IS some sentence that better left unsaid. Not every words we think - need to be spoken for the sake of maintaining relationship. I my self agree that we don't need to bring an election topic in to family time. For some reason i choose to act neutral in front of the closest person because well i don't know who they gonna choose (cause i choose not to ask that, i appreciate em for their privacy due to sensitive topic nowadays haha), so i never understand such people who talk cynically and offensive about one candidate while in the other side they sure don't know who-choose-who, that leads me to one thing.. there are still few people that don't care about each other perspective and thats the worst.. and so.. thats a truuuuly good reminder for my own self to do not act so. try to listen, understand, FILTER, and accept different perspective, i think thats the other way to develop one self.

3. I became nearly agree that people don't need to have a thing called self esteem (in indonesian is harga diri) IF it just makes you have an "urge" to do something bad. why is every time people said Harga diri always sounds a bit.. awful. as if that they need to do some revenge, or they need to do something beast to protect they self? if so, do we really need harga diri or its just a reason to do something bad that could become acceptable?

4. I think what i tought in elementary school about the concept of right and obligation is a bit absurd. Right? Hak? what is it actually. what i remember up until now, Hak is something that we should get - sesuatu yang harus kita dapatkan. Its a bit strange that we need to seek what we should get. if all people always think about right, what would our world would be? hahahaha.. BUT well, if all people always think about obligation, about responsibility? don't you think world would be a place that have so much peace inside? :)

5. Accepting one's opinion is going to make us up to another level of awesomeness, i guess. LOL. I believe acceptance have a few of good constructs that could show us for how "mature" one self is. Accept other opinion - there's a tolerance, wise, open minded, realizing that our own self still lack, patience, ability to listen, appreciate the differences. woww.. well baked! :p


I'm sorry for a random mind tonite. off to schleep. if tomorrow i realize this' just too random, going to delete it hahaha
anyway whatever is it suppose that this' 8th of July already.. one more day, huh? One more day til we could decide our own leader for the next 5 years. but whoever won, i hope he's ready.. y' know right i think winning the election is a good-news, bad news kind of thing. Okay, now you're the mayor. the bad news is, now you're the mayor. hahahaha


Jumat, 04 Juli 2014

hi!

Yeay finally today is my first time fasting for this Ramadhan. Ramadhan Mubarak, everyone! i wish you have a nice, heart warming holy month that could make you better and closer with Him, indeed. Alhamdulillah thank God i once again have a chance to spent the first 10 days of Ramadhan with my family, at home. its unexpected since i guess i won't have a chance to come home before my KKN start but it turned out i still have a 10 days break so here i am, writing leisury at my room with Dhiva beside me, playing iPad. haha. such a simple yet lovely atmosphere which i always been missed every time i am far away from home. ooh how i love being here.. the literal meaning of "home sweet home".

Anyway, today is apparently the 4th of July, haha, whats popped on mind the first thing i mentioned that date? alright, US, Independence day, Katty perry (?), Barbecue, Fireworks, Political speech and stuffs? haha.. whatevs but today is Chindy's sweet seventeen birthday. y' know i loooooove seeing a person having a birthday. i loooove surprises! i love making a surprise, i love gifts, balloon, smile, hugs, and those kind of things. i love love. i love lovely atmosphere. i love being surrounded with a people who shows their affection. :) and being involved on "chindy's surprise project" makes me reminiscing those warm old times, a time when i had mine too. i do have those sweet seventeen unforgettable surprise, i do know how's exactly the feeling when you are just TOO surprised, too speechless, you just want to hug them all. i do know how's exactly the feeling when your tears suddenly came down while at the same time you just wanna smile, like all the time. 

people called it happiness. and I'm so glad i have one.

the most important thing after having those "reminiscing the old times" ws i told mom that Im glad i experienced that too in my teenager life. i said towards mom "You know i know exactly how's it. I cried too on my sweet seventeen birthday surprise. Feel so blessed, feel so NORMAL being a teenager. I have those time!"i said it with a huge smile. after that a long the journey from Cindy's home to mine (for about 30minutes), something came to mind: (early cautions : do NOT too early to say "geez of course!" or "everybody freakinly knows that, dumbass" right after you read this bold italic sentence..)
You know, I think, its really.. really important to live your life at the very moment.

with a targets and dozens of dreams you want in life.. i suppose, its not easy to live your life, to seize the moment on that VERY second. to forget what gonna happen next, what you gonna do tomorrow and so on, but JUST.. just do what you do now to the fullest, be 100% of what you are currently doing.  to feel the happiness, to feel every second that pass, to yes of course growing up but enjoy every moment of that.. not too hurry.. not too slow.. 
i think at some point, human often forget about that ; to be Here and Now.

IM SO GLAD that i had a lot of fun and joy up until i reached twenty. Despite that i also always have one big thing that i want to achieve. but its good, tho that i never forget how to living my youth life at the moment. hahaha..
Its sounds weird but well, I never regret i came school late and got a punishment, LOL
i never regret i had a time when i need to climb my school wall, i never regret i had a cat fight with my girl mates, i never regret i've been stabbed with my clique and i cried a long the day, i never regret those awkward moment when me and two of my friends expelled from class LOL.. in the other words...
Its so fine i've been matured by some faults. 
and yes, Im proudly said I'm glad i ever made a lot of mistakes.

and well dudes once again i HAD those time!
and i feeeeeel sooooo great to be matured by my OWN experiences. by my own sweetest mistakes. Im so glad that i had those growing up process.. to live happily if i feel happy, but never ignore the sadness if i felt so. to live simply just like that as if i don't know what tomorrow's gonna bring, to just simply ignore reading "key to be matured", "age and maturity", "how to grow up on a smooth way" and Blah! just to simply ignore reading those.. but i describe age, maturity, growing up, in my own way.. in my own dictionary.
and for anyone who read this that thinks you were there with me; thank you so much for being there and be a part of my growing up process.. i don't care how nice or even how mean you were with me that time, i am still going to say thank-you-so-much. for making my life up til now tasty and colorful. you mean a lot. :)

i believe that growing up is like walking on a stairs. you need to take every step carefully, one by one, just stable. 
and i want to continue enjoying every step i take, on every stage i have on my life span development. even there's gonna be some point i'll be slipped and hurt but i gotta wake up and try stepping again;  i don't want to consciously missed nor skip even a single step of it.

that's growing up for me. find your own definition.
you know.. Most people age. They find parking spaces, honor their credit cards, get married, have children and call that maturity. What that is for me, is aging. I my self don't want to be aging without being mature with a process.
That's going to be chalenge-less. and that-is-terrible.

Jumat, 20 Juni 2014

A dream you dream alone is only a dream

“But we are strong, each in our purpose, and we are all more strong together.” 


“I don't know where to go. I don't know what comes now."
"Don't worry," Will said. "We'll figure something out."Liesl managed to smile at him. She liked that word: *we*. It sounded warm and open, like a hug.”  Lauren Oliver, on a novel Liesl & Po




i don't care about those "indicator",
i think i am letting my self falling for you from today's on.
well.. let's start this whole adventure, babe..

Rabu, 18 Juni 2014

Dad - Ask him when Mom says no.

i remember holding your hands, few days ago.
we were on our way to somewhere,
and for some hours, i hold you and you didnt let my hand go even for a blink.

i remember your hug,
a couple years a go, a routine hug, every morning i opened my eyes
you hug me as you ask me to wake up

and how you always said you love me.
and how you always said "we" are your real love.

as i always keep in mind that you are too.
my real love.
a real hero.
my first ever first love.


dear ayah.
thankyou. thank you so much.
for raising me this way.
you are one of the biggest gift God send towards my life.
thankyou for show me what the real love is..


I only get one dad and yes.. im glad i got someone as amazing as you


Happy birthday, Ayah sayang.
Inas sayang Ayah..
Ayah harus sehat- sehat terus ya..
i love you. i always have, always will <3

Selasa, 10 Juni 2014

hahaha

good morning!
im having the last presentation on the last meeting on psychology of marriage and family, today. 
had a photo booth selfie timey while waiting for sasha, hahahhahaa.
have a nice day and wish me luck, everyone! :---)


Sabtu, 07 Juni 2014

the sweet escape

imagine in one fine day, nothing to do, escaping somewhere strange new far place, good weather yet bad road, but laugh and cheesy conversation cured it all.
finally you were there. eyes widely opened can not believe what you see that very moment. then someone said "God this is worth the ride".
You laid down your self, the smell of grass, a  blue wide sky, a dozen of birds flying free, and the scent of ocean. oh then again, those 3 good people.

iam so blessed.




















go out, see how beautiful every lil things that surround you.

Rabu, 04 Juni 2014

one super boring morning

i am sitting on the class, currently. this' so torturing how you need to repeat one exact same method every single meeting in this whole semester. presentation? what presentation? i need more knowledges from you, prof. my friends mumbling a lot talking craps like they know friggin everything, me too, just so you know i am just acting like a smarty pants when they throw me a questions right after i presented the materials when i actually know nothing. haha. congratulation.
ooh how i really want this semester just over soon.. :( :( :(

Selasa, 13 Mei 2014

its until we meet again!

so.. i spent my whole evening til night with my teacher and two of my friends. we watched hunger games, ate 2 boxes of pizza, share some thoughts about life, people and how those things always rapidly change ; apparently a kind of farewell party. 



for being one of my close friend this whole 3 months, thankyou so much Sir.. i always love having conversation with you :'') see you after i completed my KKN hahahhaa.
he after saw the picture: "ok we looked like a husband and wife" hahahahahhaa. I'm going to miss him, for sure.

Minggu, 11 Mei 2014

I had the best days with you.

my relationship with mom is just different from everybody's else has. hehe. mom got married at my age (20), such a really young age to start sailing a new life with husband. and yet.. that make me become one of the luckiest daughter in the world to have such mom as a best friend on my teenager life. if you see how close am i with her now, one thing that you should know: it doesn't come in an instant (indeed!), a good relationship on mom-daughter even need an effort, definitely. you can't just born and raised (oh my God why suddenly become such a Mayer-blood LOL) and could comfortably spending a mommy-daughter relationship automatically. for me my self and mom, we also have that process.

my puberty phase when i started to feel like mrs-know-everything was started at the age of.. well, i think 13th? On the 1st year of junior high school, just like every girls on my age, i started to know how its like when i like something. I didnt close with mom that time so she started to feel worried. I remember that she even routinely called my best friend and asked her about my life in school, mom told my friend that i didnt share a lot of stories. when my best friend called me about that, that made me angry.. "Why you need to call her? Why you made me ashamed? Why i should told you everything when I don't even want to?". Knowing that made me didnt want to share my story with Mom, more. In addition one day i found mom trying to opened my phone by tried my phone password several times that made my phone blocked (it was so funny if i remembered it now! HAHHAHA), yet that time, that made me really upset. I said towards mom "Why you need to do this? This is my privacy" (I can't believe i said PRIVACY THAT time! PRIVACY??? hahaha) that time mom replied "What Privacy? You don't need that in front of me!"

and so we fought for 2 days. I didnt want to talked with her.

But then everything's started to change when.. I found one book on my mom's car. I found one psychological book, i forgot the title, but its about "How to be close with your daughter", and that made me... teary. All of sudden my wall that i built fell apart. That time i wanted to cry saw how my mom really.. like REALLY wanted to be close with me. but no, it didnt that quick guys.. my heart started to feel like i need her, i love her, and else BUT i didnt know how to express that? do you ever experienced the same? you felt like you love your parents but you are too shy to said that towards them?` I did feel so on that time.

Until one day, I met one cheerful girl that made my relationship with mom became better and better. Lets call her S. She is my junior on junior high school. right from the start we found a lot of things in common and so, she often spent a night on my house. she had a good relationship with her mom already and that made me envy the most. So there was one day, my mom suddenly invited S and her mom to hang out with me and mom to Jakarta. double date my Mom said. Up until now, i still remember clearly.. how that day: saved my life, changed my life, made my life better and brighter :)
Mom and I saw how close S and her mom and probably that time both of me and mom thoughts "Aaah! So thats how it works". From that day mom became S' mom best friend, and me and S also.. have the best sister relationship anyone can't have, up until this day. From that day on, step by step, and finally that whole process lead me to have my own REAAAALLY close relationship with mom on my JHS life. i have no privacy. mom even often reply a-boy-that-approached-me texts, hahaha. Even we fought a lot of times, we argue on a lot of things, but well thats why it said teenager life. i didnt really stable. sometimes i hate mom so much, sometimes i feel like i can't live without her, sometimes we didnt even wanted to talk. but thats my growing up process and yes it was all normal.

But well, today as i write this, i think i write this not as a girl anymore, but more like a woman. a woman that raised by a pretty, wise, cool Mom that no one can't have. Today as i write this far away from home, far away from Mom, i realize that a lucky daughter like me is just a few.. 

Dear Mom, how could i express this?
Thank you so much for raising me. Thank you so much for become my best friend and mother on the same time. Thank you so much for fought alone that time for us to being this close. Thank you for not gave up when i was really hard to approach. Thank you for always found a way to make me happy. Thank you for all your sacrifices for me. Thankyou for all the good memories you gave on my childhood life, on my every single ups and downs critical teenager life, and up until now. Thank you mom.. Thank you so much once again for not...... giving up.

Im sorry that you need to hear I love you words often on the midnight every time i got a night mare.
Im sorry that i told you I love you.. too often.
But i think I'm going to said it more and more often from today's on :)



i didnt know if you knew, so I'm taking this chance to say that I had the best days with you.







happy mothers day, Ibu.

Jogjakarta.

Satu minggu sudah nggak jadi warga Jogja. Satu minggu sudah pisah sama semuanya yang sudah jadi kebiasaan, pisah sama teman yang sudah se...